Bring Them Home Now (Vayeshev 5785)

Bring Them Home Now (Vayeshev 5785)

 

On Tuesday morning this week, I stood amidst the ruined homes of young members of Kibbutz Kfar Aza, one of the kibbutzim overrun and decimated by Hamas terrorists on October 7, 2023. These small apartments had provided a way for the kibbutz to help young people get their start in adult life. Their location, closest to the western fence of the kibbutz, made them the first line of attack. Along with the murders, there was evidence of rape, and the brutality of the home violation — bullet holes in walls, ransacked belongings — is still visible in plain sight, as the kibbutz members have not yet returned to their homes and decided what to do with this area: create a memorial, rebuild, or something else.

From the same spot on that fence in Kfar Aza, I could see the northern Gaza neighborhoods of Jabalya, Beit Lahiya, and Beit Hanoun. If you enter these areas in Google Maps to try to calculate the distance between them and Kfar Aza (I just did), you’ll get an unusual response: “Can’t find a way there.” These neighborhoods have been emptied since the Israeli military response after October 7, thousands of homes damaged and destroyed. Standing there on Tuesday morning, I could hear the constant hum of aerial drones along with occasional explosions.

This was my first visit to Israel since October 7. The visit was organized by The iCenter and included over 70 Jewish educators from around the world. It was a short and intense trip: four days of meeting with Israelis, hearing their stories, listening. We talked with teachers at Sha’ar HaNegev regional high school about the challenges of supporting and educating children who have suffered incredible trauma — even as they, the educators, dealt with their own. In Sderot we listened to Youssef Alziadna, a Bedouin Arab Israeli who drives a minibus and heroically saved 30 lives of young people — many of whom he has known since they were young children — at the Nova Festival. We talked with educators and families from Kiryat Shmona, in the north of Israel, who have been living in hotels for the last 14 months, unsure when they can go home.

That theme, home, was what seemed to keep coming up for me again and again. Visiting Kikar Hahatufim (Hostages Square) Wednesday morning in Tel Aviv, I felt myself at the epicenter of a campaign that has touched virtually every public space in the country: machzirim otam habayta achshav, Bring Them Home Now. The hostages need to come home. The soldiers need to be able to come home. The people of Kfar Aza and Kiryat Shmona and all the other hundreds of thousands of displaced Israelis need to be safe to come home — just like the people of Beit Hanoun and Jabalya and Beit Lahiya and throughout Gaza. Everyone — every human being — needs to be safe, needs to be able to come home.

I have been to Israel many times, and I’ve lived in the country for two-plus years of my life. Visiting Israel always raises enormous questions about home for me — as I expect it does for many Jews (as it should, I believe). There is an at-homeness I experience in Israel that is just unimaginable for me in America, and at various points in my life I’ve thought about whether and how Israel could really be home for me. That internal conversation is always complicated and hard. But this trip it was even more so, because so many more people are experiencing their own displacement, their own not-at-homeness — even in, especially in, a place they think of as home. (This was only accentuated by the air raid sirens that greeted us 20 minutes after our arrival in Tel Aviv and woke us at 2:30 a.m. on Thursday night.)

The story of Joseph and his brothers is many things, but it is certainly a story about the complexities of family and home. It prompts us to ask questions like, Whom do we treat as family, and what does it mean to do so? How do we create and sustain a shared home together? And, perhaps most acutely in the story of Joseph himself, what spiritual capacities might we be capable of nurturing in those moments when we are far from home: alone in a pit without water, working as a servant in the home of a foreigner, forgotten in a prison in Egypt (or a tunnel in Gaza)?

While I have always admired people who do so, it has not been my practice to kiss the mezuzah when entering and leaving a place. But Tuesday morning in Kfar Aza, entering the shelled out childhood home of our tour guide Orit, I found my right hand instinctively rising up to the mezuzah on the way in and out. Without really even thinking about it, my body seemed to be practicing a kind of mindful awareness: You are in a home, a Jewish home, be mindful. There were family pictures, puzzles that over the years had been completed and glued together and hung on the wall, artifacts of a family’s life through decades of children and grandchildren.

Perhaps my hand was prompting my mind to pray: May Orit’s family, may all these families on all these borders, return home from their exile. May they, may we, experience healing. May they, may we, be safe. May they, may we, return home now.

A Quiet Mind (Chayei Sarah 5785)

A Quiet Mind (Chayei Sarah 5785)

Many years ago, when my oldest son (now 21) was little, he asked for me to read him stories from a children’s bible on our shelf. It had belonged to my wife as a kid, and I was excited that Jonah wanted to hear these stories.
 
But of course it got complicated, because these stories are not, in fact, children’s stories for the most part. They talk about some pretty adult topics.
 
I particularly remember when we got to the Binding of Isaac. I was worried–talk about a story not made for children. How is he going to respond here? Do I need to do some on-the-fly editing? I read with some trepidation. And then I arrived at, “And Abraham took the knife and lifted up his hand,” and Jonah interrupted: “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”
 
“Here it is,” I thought. “I’m about to traumatize my child, and he’s picking up on it” (yes, I noted the irony). I stopped reading and turned to him.
 
“Yes?”
 
“Where did he get the knife?” (N.B. Evidently this wasn’t a straight translation, as the knife is mentioned in the Torah in verse 6.)
 
My mind had spun out a whole story about this interaction, a big set of assumptions. But it turned out that Jonah’s question wasn’t my question, and the problems he had weren’t my problems. Imagine that.
 
We find an incredible contrast like this in Parashat Chayei Sarah (Genesis 23:1-25:18). Abraham sends his servant to find a wife for Isaac–and we learn that the servant is a wordy fellow. A good deal of the Torah portion is taken up with recounting his private dialogue with God and then telling the story of his encounter with Rebecca–including all his concerns: How will I know she’s the one? What if she doesn’t want to come? What if I fail in this mission? Understandably, his mind seems rather unsettled right now.
 
And yet when the time comes and Rebecca’s family asks her, Do you want to completely change your life and go off to a foreign land and marry Isaac–who you’ve never even laid eyes on, she answers with a single word: Elekh, I’ll go (Gen. 24:58). Whatever her concerns may have been, the story conveys a sense that Rebecca’s mind, in contrast to Abraham’s servant, was calm. Her elekh is a kinetic translation of hineni–Here I am.
 
People often ask me, Do you think meditation is a countercultural thing in Jewish life? Honestly, yes. Why? Because we are such a wordy people. We love–and I mean love–language. We love studying through language, praying through language, playing with language. We even espouse the belief that the Creator brought the world into being through language: “And God said, ‘Let there be light.'” Jews are a people not only of the book, but of the word and the letter–of story, of law, of academic study and publication. Jews love words–and thank God for that!
 
Yet like so many things, this extraordinary feature of Jewish life can present a shadow side: we can become caught in our stories, trapped in our words, subsumed by our worries. We can develop an understanding that the primary or perhaps only way to respond to life is developing language around it–in our own heads, in conversation, in law or policy.
 
We know there are alternatives, though. There are other models of being in our minds–including the way of mindfulness meditation, an aim of which is to calm the discursive mind: that part of our mind that lives in language, that is always evaluating, judging, planning, worrying, spinning stories about the past or future. We seek to quiet it down, to practice hashkatah, quieting, as the Piacezner Rebbe put it. We try to cultivate another way of thinking, a different kind of thought–not spinning up or out, not constantly thinking new thoughts, but slower, calmer, more spacious. And that makes the kind of quiet and silence we practice in meditation still a rather counter cultural thing in Jewish life.
 
Yet the roots of this kind of approach to mind and language are deep in Jewish life. We can find them (irony, again) in our texts–“Better few words with intention than many without,” as the Shulchan Arukh says–and in our many practices and traditions that focus primarily not on words in the mind but actions of the body and feelings of the heart. And  we can find them in our knowledge of people–friends, family, neighbors, ancestors–who embody and exemplify a life of quiet presence and spacious wisdom.
 
Rebecca, with her simple elekh, “I’ll go,” is one of those ancestors–as is Isaac, who goes out, simply it would seem, to pray in the field (Gen. 24:63). And in a time when we are surrounded with a surfeit of language inside our heads and out, we might tap into the strength of the spiritual inheritance of quiet they leave us.
Responding to the Anxiety of Now: Vayera 5785

Responding to the Anxiety of Now: Vayera 5785

I was riding in a Lyft at 4:30 a.m. on Sunday morning, en route to LAX to make a flight home in time for my son’s 12th birthday party. My driver, a middle-aged African-American woman, asked me where I was headed. “Chicago.” 
 
“Chicago?! Take me with you! That’s where I’m from.”
 
“Oh, where in Chicago did you grow up?”
 
She proceeded to name what felt like 25 different neighborhoods: First she lived in Evergreen Park, then in Bronzeville, then in Rogers Park, then PIlsen, then another, and another, and another. It felt a little like the passage in the Torah that describes the 42 different places the Israelites encamped. I got the sense that she had experienced a lot of insecurity in her life.
 
I told her I was glad to have traveled to Los Angeles right after the election. It was a welcome change of scenery after the tension and divisiveness of the campaign.
 
“You know, I really don’t pay attention to politics,” she said. “I don’t vote. And you know why? Because I have panic attacks. I have so much stress and anxiety, and I just need to try and stay calm and focused so I can pay my bills. It’s a real struggle for me to stay calm–and all that election stuff doesn’t help.”
 
The conversation has lingered with me all week as I’ve talked with many others about the outcome of the election and how we’re each responding. Most of the people I interact with at work and in life are college-educated American Jews, and most of them are high-information voters. Many folks volunteered on campaigns, many donated money, and virtually all voted and paid attention to the election cycle. This lovely person who was my driver in the wee hours of Sunday morning lives a very different life.
 
What I was most struck by was how she described struggling with anxiety and depression–because that’s something it seems we all share. So many people in my life suffer in a similar way. For so many people, across socio-economic strata, our minds, our hearts, and our bodies are overwhelmed by the weight of the world. Yet, for many of the people I know, that anxiety gets channelled into even more compulsive engagement in the news–which is, perhaps, a sign of their relative privilege of not worrying quite as much about paying their bills on a month-to-month basis. I imagine there are many other lessons and explanations.
 
One of the people who suffers the most in Parashat Vayera (Genesis 18:1-22:24) is Hagar, Sarah’s handmaiden who is the mother of Ishmael. While Sarah originally had encouraged Abraham to have a child with Hagar, her mood changed almost immediately–and in this week’s Torah portion, now with a child of her own, she demands that Abraham kick Hagar out of the house. Hagar and her son find themselves dying of thirst in the wilderness, and Hagar, understandably, can’t bear to watch her son suffer. 
 
It’s at this moment that an angel calls out to Hagar and tells her that God has heard her son’s cry, ba’asher hu sham. It’s difficult to translate this phrase, but it suggests something like, “exactly where and how he is right now.” Rashi, following the Midrash, says it means that God hears and judges Ishamel exactly as he is in this moment–without consideration for what he may become in the future. And right now, he is a crying, suffering child.
 
Mindfulness practice teaches us to try to quiet the mind in order to be present with the truth we’re experiencing in this moment–not to become caught in the stories our minds can spin about what might be. That is, our practice encourages and guides us to listen to ourselves and others ba’asher hu sham–exactly as we are in this moment, not what we could be in the future. That’s not to say we shouldn’t be wise and discerning about what may come, or that we shouldn’t plan for the future. It’s rather to say that we should practice grounding ourselves in the truth of our experience right now, and from that grounded place try to make good judgments.
 
I think that’s an enormous struggle for many of us in the world we live in. For some of us, the constant overwhelm of media, the firehose of political news, the ongoing challenges in the Middle East–it can generate a state of anxiety about the world and what we take to be true. For others, like my Lyft driver, forces like economic precariousness and constant moving about might leave us without a sense of ground, an ability to feel really at home in our lives.
 
The invitation of our practice is to give ourselves the gift of acknowledging where we are, ba’asher hu sham–in this moment, in this time, in this place, in this body. When we do so, we have the opportunity to sense firmer ground beneath our feet, greater support amid the turbulent seas of life, water to drink amidst what can feel like a parched desert.
Finding a haven in a turbulent world: Lekh-Lekha 5785

Finding a haven in a turbulent world: Lekh-Lekha 5785

Even though I went to bed early on Tuesday, before the election outcome was clear, I didn’t get much sleep. Try as I might — sleep meditations, visualizations, every trick I know—I couldn’t get my mind to stop spinning: so much uncertainty, so much at stake for so many of us. I just couldn’t settle down, and I tossed and turned all night.

I know many of you felt that way too.

When I finally got out of bed at 5:30 a.m. and made some coffee, I checked the news. While I grappled with the results, shaken, my first instinct was to study Torah. I started reading the weekly Torah portion. Sitting there reading Parashat Lekh-Lekha in the early morning darkness, I felt as if the Torah was enveloping me in an embrace, like a warm blanket.

Not because it was comforting to read these stories — they are profoundly difficult stories that touch on the many issues that challenge and divide us: migration, being strangers and welcoming strangers, gender and sexuality, treatment of women, bodily autonomy, war, conflicts over land, the taking of captives and their rescue — but because I found comfort and support in remembering that the Torah is a home, a sanctuary for me. And that’s when my tears started to flow, thinking about the sometimes brutally painful ways many of us have struggled and continue to struggle to feel secure, to feel at home. For many of us, the election results have only sharpened that profound feeling of insecurity.

In this time when many of us are deeply shaken, I want you to know that IJS is here to be a place where you can feel secure, and where you can find comfort and belonging.

Whatever happens in the days and years to come, we are here for you to be a sanctuary of calm, welcome, acceptance, and love that you can turn to when you need to breathe deeply and connect with others in our divisive and in many ways broken world.

On Monday night, during one of our special IJS meditation sits for election week, I led a practice that included a selection of a favorite teaching from Rabbi Menachem Nachum of Chernobyl’s Meor Einayim. It’s a text in which the rebbe says that every Jew has a root-soul that corresponds to a letter in the Torah. I take that to mean that each of us (and here I would extend his teaching to all human beings, not just Jews) has a spiritual home in the universe. I think that means that our avodah, our spiritual work, is ultimately about building a world in which every human being can experience that sense of belonging.

This is our commitment to you, now and always: Like Abraham and Sarah, who welcomed everyone under their tent and made them feel at home, we will be here for you as a sanctuary and spiritual haven in a turbulent world. It’s what we have sought to do for 25 years, and it is what we are committed to doing this week, next week, and into a redemptive future.

Confronting Chaos with Silence: Noach 5785

Confronting Chaos with Silence: Noach 5785

Here’s a historical tidbit I love to recite: Benjamin Franklin was born in 1706. Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer, the founder of Hasidism better known as the Ba’al Shem Tov, was born eight years earlier, in 1698. Which is to say, Franklin and the Besht were contemporaries.

I often mention this factoid when I teach Hasidic texts because I think that, while they emerged in different political and cultural landscapes, at root, Hasidism responded to some similar questions as the Enlightenment and the nascent American democratic project. Most significantly, perhaps, was this: What could spiritual experience look like in a world in which power does not reside exclusively in a king or emperor, but is rather shared among all citizens? Put differently, how does our conception of and relationship to the divine, one another, and ourselves, change when we take seriously the idea that all people are created equal?

Hasidism didn’t have a monopoly on these questions, of course. All modern expressions of Judaism—and religion in general—have responded to them in one way or another. And, eventually, some strains of Hasidism took an anti-democratic turn, investing spiritual authority in a tzaddik or rebbe who was treated as something like a king.

But I think one of the reasons that so many American Jews have been drawn to Hasidic teachings over the last two generations is because we experience a profound resonance between this approach to Torah and our deeply held values of liberty and equality. When the Hasidic masters teach that every Jew is the bearer of a divine spark, and that each and every one of us can create a home for the divine Presence with this breath or this word or this action, we hear an evocation of Jefferson’s words that “all men are created equal.” We experience a Torah that invites and demands of us a set of democratic impulses—so much so that, intuitively, we extend the sentiment of the Declaration to all people, not only men, and such Torah to all human beings, not only Jews.

It’s not a simple thing, to live life this way. Being aware of our thoughts and emotions, mindful and skillful in how we speak and act, present in every moment, requires practice–as does sacrificing and sharing power the way we have to in a democracy. We constantly have to tread a line–of exercising our agency and making choices, and, when that becomes infeasible or exhausting, trusting institutions and leaders we authorize to make choices for us. Sometimes it can feel easier to outsource our agency—to a rebbe or a Tzaddik, to someone we view as powerful or a savior. And sometimes our need for belonging can lead us down an emotional road in which it feels better, at least for a moment, to be self-righteously angry and resentful at “them,” those “others” who we allow ourselves to perceive as making our lives worse.

But that is not our way. That’s a form of aversion, a way of turning away from deep and difficult truths—most fundamentally, the truth that our seeming separation is an illusion, that we are indeed all interconnected, all created in the divine image, all mutually responsible for one another, as Jews, as Americans, as beings who are human.

Of course, the Torah begins with this teaching: Human beings are created in the Divine image. And, of course, it doesn’t take long for us to lose our way, as we read in this week’s Torah portion: “The earth became corrupt before the Holy One; the earth was filled with lawlessness” (Gen. 6:11). While the commentators offer various interpretations, a consistent theme is that we human beings managed to lose our capacity for self-awareness and self-regulation. We forgot that we are not the centers of our own universes, and instead took people and property simply because we wanted to. We lost our internal sense of honor, and thus we could not honor the inherent dignity of God’s creations. In short, human beings became mindless.

What to do? The answer, after unleashing the forces of chaos upon the world, was to start over with the most basic awareness: Don’t shed blood. Stop killing each other. And then: learn to trust. “I now establish my brit, my covenant with you,” God tells Noah (Gen. 9:9). Rashi observes, “God said this because Noah feared to fulfill the duty of propagating the species until the Holy Blessed One promised to not destroy the world again.” How could Noah bring children into the world again? He had to learn to trust on the other side of intense, unprecedented trauma.

There are lessons here that apply to individuals as much as nations: What does it take to trust after destruction and devastation? What does it take to live mindfully, lovingly, as a home for the Divine presence, when the storm feels like it’s approaching, when the earth beneath our feet feels like it’s turning to mud on the way to being covered in water altogether? These are some dark questions–terrifying questions we may not want to ask. And yet the story of Noah demands that we confront them.

A classic Hasidic teaching on Noah finds meaning in the fact that the word for ark in Hebrew, teivah, also means word. Thus when Noah’s family and the animals enter the ark, they enter into language in its most reduced and elemental form. As the earth unravels, so too does language. And, as the earth is renewed, language too is renewed. But during the storm, I imagine there may have been long periods of silence, or wordless niggunim, inside the ark.

In a letter to John Adams in December 1818, following the death of Abigail, Adams’s wife and partner (Adams’s word) of 50 years, Thomas Jefferson wrote, “I know well, and feel what you have lost, what you have suffered, are suffering, and have yet to endure. The same trials have taught me that, for ills so immeasurable, time and silence are the only medicines.” Around the same time, Rebbe Nachman of Bratslav taught that “Silence is a hedge for wisdom… Like Shabbat, it is above speech, the root of speech, and the remedy for speech” (Likkutei Halachot Shabbat 7:43:6).

As we head into these final days of the election and enter what is likely to be a difficult post-election season, I find that my practice is more important than ever–and I imagine that may be true for you. Our language feels like it’s being tested to its limits, and nourishing silence or wordless song feels like a refuge. And perhaps that’s precisely what we need to heal and renew ourselves, as individuals and as a society–fewer and better words, deeper and richer shared silences, longer and more beautiful shared songs. May it be so; may we make it so.